Christmas Day is just a couple of weeks away and it can be a time where emotions run high for separated parents. I wanted to put together a few words on the subject.
Before I do, I wanted to let you know in advance that our group will be closed, similarly to last year, on the key dates of 24th, 25th, 26th of December for Christmas, and also 31st December and 1st January for New Year. This is to ensure our wonderful moderators and admin get some down time. You will not be able to post or comment on the group during that time. The precise timings are a little ambiguous, as the way Facebook operates the ‘close’ feature is a bit odd, so it’s somewhat down to trial and error!
Some tips then.
When you've got a court order in place
If you’ve got a court order where Christmas arrangements are stipulated then great. If the other parent is withholding contact despite an order then you will need to file for enforcement proceedings. Unfortunately at this time now it won’t be quick enough for this Christmas, but don’t shy away from filing.
As always, it’s a really bad idea to behave aggressively. This is particularly difficult as there are aggravating factors of emotions running high, and also alcohol is a feature of Christmas for many. Please do try and avoid threats, no matter how strongly you feel you’re being treated harshly and unfairly as it will only negatively prejudice your case going forward.
If there are no arrangements in place
If your order doesn’t stipulate Christmas arrangements, or you don’t have an order and are dealing with a co parent then I would suggest not begging or attempting to twist the arm of the other co parent. This can be seen as manipulative and again, can be used against you if things progress to court. I would always be prepared to accept a little less than you’d ideally like, just for the price of keeping the peace.
If you will not be seeing your children over Christmas
Firstly, do remember that it’s important to acknowledge that while it’s incredibly hard (and trust me – most of us on the team have been there) it’s unlikely to be this way next year. So when you see pictures of wrapped presents on people’s social media accounts, reassure yourself that it’s ok to not be ok, accept it, and believe that it’s not forever.
The sight of your children’s presents, laying before you, unopened is an incredibly emotive one, and I would urge you to remain in control and avoid sending such images to the other parent, as again this can be seen as manipulative. Instead, practice self care and make other arrangements to distract yourself.
But Christmas is particularly important / pertinent to me / my family
We get it, we really do. The fact is, most people would claim this, and even those where Christmas isn’t important tend to claim it is anyway. This is something we see a lot in court hearings. Unfortunately, it may not feel fair, and it may not be fair.
We are a legal group, not a support group so I must always ask members to stay on topic when asking for advice on legal issues, rather than talking about the upset Christmas can bring. We do get it, but we also have to maintain our focus as a group. There are lots of other support groups out there but I’m afraid we are not one of them and I thank you in advance for remembering this.
If things get particularly rough for you then I would always suggest The Samaritans. They will speak to you via many different methods. You can call 116 123, you can speak to them online, email, or even write a letter (which they will respond to).
No matter what your plans are, or where you are at with your situation, I wish you all the very best Christmas possible, and an even better New Year!
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